Wham, Bam, Spam You Ma’am

Someone asked me for a job last week though Twitter.

At least, I think he did.

I tweeted about a topic of conversation from a lunch date I’d recently returned from and presto!…suddenly I received a cryptic blurb from a person who possessed those same skills who was “seeking new opportunities.”

As you might have surmised, I don’t know this guy. And he clearly doesn’t know me, (since if he’d been reading all the tweets he would have seen that the lunch discussion was about how little I knew about this topic).

Nonetheless, this person figured that if he tossed his twesume to me, that there was a chance that I’d catch it and we’d have “a connection” and live happily ever after.

And he’s not the only one.

THE SCOURGE OF “HOOK-UP MARKETERS”

There are hundreds of people lining up to drink the social media kool-aid every week.

Each one of them wants the keys to the kingdom in 140 characters or less, and seems hopeful that they can by-pass this pokey and unrefined process of “getting to know me” and just skip right to the “making money with me” part.

Hey you! Wanna hear how great my company is?

Hey you! Wanna hear how great I am?

In essence, they’re all turning into that last guy standing in a bar at closing time — The one who’s looking for the easy hook-up, and sizing me up not ‘cause I’m hot or their type, but just because I’m there, and…you, know…”do-able.”

The hook-up marketers don’t want to spend time getting to know me and learning what kinds of things I like (like for instance all of my brand preferences, buying habits, demographic information…you know…the boring stuff I share through social media).

They want the results.

And the way you get results – old school style – is to give your best pitch to every “lady in the bar” until you score. (I mean with an intro like, “Thanks for noticing me. I’d like to show you why I’m so awesome!” how could they ever strike out?)

A PORN STAR AT A SLUMBER PARTY

Just like there’s usually one drunk girl at the bar who’s willing to lower her standards at the end of the night, there will be always be people who respond to this type of approach.

Problem is, social media isn’t the best place to find them.

In a land where transparency, authenticity and relationship cultivation reign, cold sales pitches fit in about as well as a porn star at a 5th grader’s slumber party.

And lately, the ratio of porn stars to pre-teens at this party is starting to shift dramatically. At what point should the rest of us who actually want to “learn” and “communicate” pack up our sleeping bags and sneak out a side door?

LAST CALL

The truth is, social media is the hottest bar in town. And as the economy sours, there will be growing numbers of people hanging around for their “last call” – people with come-ons that will become increasingly desperate, incoherent or even ridiculous.

Will you still be around to hear them?

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